Is My Chronic Illness Terminal?

Scary title huh?  The answer is yes. In my opinion ALL severe chronic illnesses are terminal -ALL of them.  Wait?  What?  That is not what the doctors say. 

They are wrong. Let me explain. 

I have Fibromyalgia, Asthma, a connective tissue disorder called Ehler Danlos, severe allergies, sleep apnea, anxiety, the list goes on. With the exception of severe uncontrolled asthma, none are considered diagnostically life threatening. 

So why do I say chronic illness is a terminal condition?  Easy. The person you used to be is gone. As permanently gone as if you had physically died. 

I used to be a very active, ambitious type A personality. I was the go to person if you needed something done or an obscure fact remembered. I could run, jump, dance, lift and work for 18 hours straight without blinking. 

Then the chronic illnesses hit. Now I need at least one nap a day to even think straight. I can not lift more than 5 pounds without risking a partially dislocated joint. I can't go into crowded areas because the scents will make it hard to breathe. I have to rest for days in order to enjoy an all day event. The pain never stops. 

Sounds like I am describing two diffetent people huh?  Well in a way, I am. People ask me how I cope with my illnesses. It was not easy and it was not fast. Some days I still hate how my body fails me. 

But what truly got me through was realizing that the person I was before was gone. She had died. And I needed to allow myself and those around me to grieve that loss. The grief has lessened over time but just like the physical loss of a loved one, it still hits you at random times. 

Out the ashes of the person I was has risen the person I am today. I had to get to know this new person. Figure out how she fit into the world. And learn to love her as she exsisted now rather than seeing her as a shadow of who she used to be before chronic illness took over. 

I also had to introduce this new person to the people in my life. Some have learned to love and accept the new me. Others were unable to do so and I sadly had to let them go from my life. But it has allowed me to be happy and that is what is most important. 

So if you are struggling with what used to be or looking back, stop. Accept the fact that your former self is gone. Grieve for the loss. Understand your family and friends are grieving too. Let the past go and look to the future. 

It is time to start loving who you are now. You are worth it.